I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
