you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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