I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
