Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
