ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize