Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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