Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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