is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
whose ass print is on the piano?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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