DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
