3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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