Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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