So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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