So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
