I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
