The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
