Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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