Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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