i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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