Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
COCAINE IS GR8
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
