He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
