so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize