i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
