When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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