he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize