**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
