he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
