We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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