I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
