U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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