If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
