she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
