WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
