mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
