Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
