Just fell off a train. Bad.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
