i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I love having hate sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
