I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can I color on your dick again?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
