When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
