if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
