I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
