I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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