So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize