He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
