Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
