I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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