My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
