I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
