I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
