Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
