My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
this boner is exhausting
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
