Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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