I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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