Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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