First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
