It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
