I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
