His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize