Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
