sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
