I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
