I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
