Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I will pee on everything he values.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
