her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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