Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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