just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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