dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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