So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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