just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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