dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
