it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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