but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
