I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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