that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
