last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
