I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
