Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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