i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
