Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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