So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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