It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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