just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
