try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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