I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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