I must be too annoying 4 u.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
