I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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